Category Archives: dreams

purpose…

refreshing frost

it has been some time since this little blog has found voice, and much internal dialogue about the reasons behind it and if it should remain open or be shuttered and forgotten.

is it processing the spiritual journey of a life (or parts of it, anyway)? in part.

opening conversation on some random thoughts and musings? sure.

some secret hope to be “discovered” and actually become a writer (and not a writer wannabe)? I’d lie if I said no.

a somewhat public journal, sanitized enough to not be embarrassing for anyone, including me? kind of. but that feels rather narcissistic. and much more extroverted than I am!

after a year of not posting, I’ve decided to just let this place be what it is, with the rambles and thoughts and lessons that come along. writing is a closet hobby, something I enjoy and helps in processing certain pieces of life. and it helps me, often, to see where and how God moves in the seemingly everyday lives we live. for He is here with us, walking alongside and joining us on the journey. truth be told, there are stacks of drafts, waiting for complete thought to finish them instead of the snippets residing on dusty pages. there were goals once, of weekly posts, maybe even twice weekly. and while those goals have flown out the window (for good reasons!) I miss the discipline of watching life through a lens, being aware on purpose. I miss the discipline of processing what lessons, large and small, come along and how God uses them to sharpen me and hopefully mold my heart after His.

so here’s to refreshed discipline, jumping in again, and hopefully to listening to and learning from Him, when and how He speaks…

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the outward charm…

I adore this house!

can’t you just imagine C.S. Lewis writing away, sipping his tea and reading, smoking a cigar, hosting friends, and imagining Narnia?

I picture a place of solace and rest, a retreat for the weary, the character of the house lending itself to the envisioned peace.

given the size of our town and my route to various places, this sweet cottage is a regular sighting, a continual dream running through my head.

they cannot be avoided. the house and the dreaming.

it is for sale. out of reach fiscally.

but daydreams are free.

there was an estate sale the other day, and while I am always up for a bargain, the house itself drew me. I suspect the same was true of most people that day!

stepping through the door, I expected the mustiness. by all appearances the house has been closed up for many months. but the dated decor was unexpected. the overwhelming need for updating screamed louder with each footfall. it started as a whisper, “please, help me…” the house begged. by the time the circuit of all three floors was complete, the cry for restoration was palatable. some features of the original house remained. others have been discarded along the way.

from the outside, images of C.S. Lewis dance. on the inside, the Brady Bunch.

over week later, I am still pondering the differences.

which leads me to Jesus’ words about whitewashed tombs (Matthew 23:27) and the state of my heart, self, masks we wear, and so much more.

so many analogies. so much conviction. where to start? for that matter, where to end?!

the recurring thoughts about this house and my heart have been about what is presented to the world versus the reality of the internal. the outward can easily show such a different picture than what is really happening. I continually ask if my heart is musty and stuck in a rut (or many ruts), if the expense of change is worth it. changes to the internal need exceptional care and a skilled hand. a qualified inspector can make all the difference, finding things the naked eye would miss.

and my heart cries, again and again, to allow only Jesus to be the one who works on my heart, the one to restore it to the original design. He is the architect, contractor, designer, and lover of my soul. with Him there are no mistakes in the blueprints, no unexpected mess.

alas, the final design will not be known in this life. the waiting here will be worth the turmoil and angst. this I know. I have seen the beauty of a soul, albeit the muted beauty of earth, and what He can do when given carte blanche. would that I could be as open to His craftsmanship! would that people see Him instead of me.

there was a grace-gift in being able to enter the house as well. the house itself is out of our reach. could we stretch and make the purchase? maybe. a big maybe. but after seeing the inside, the renovation and restoration needed, and factoring those costs, there is no way, beyond being gifted the house, that we could afford it. and that is good. someone new will move in and (hopefully) do the requisite work. having seen the inside, it remains a dream house for some imaginings. and a renewed sense of thankfulness for our own bungalow washes over me. God does His work in interesting ways, doesn’t He?

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Filed under abiding, being, dreams, life lesson, spiritual formation