Category Archives: daughter-gift

I cried…

it probably does not sound like big news to anyone but me. it is.

I didn’t just cry. I cried in church.

this is significant because I can be pretty stoic. a bit hard to read sometimes. certain emotions come freely. others are locked away and rarely see the light of day. and when they do, it is somewhere safe, not in church, not in any public place.

I’ve become a bit contemplative in recent years, causing me to weigh my emotion even more carefully than before, frequently seeming to “check out” a bit as I talk with God about something.

to cry in church is a watershed event. that it was in response to a song made it even more so. perhaps you know the song. the words are familiar to many. lines glossed over, sung without realizing the depth of their meaning.

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

(Matt Redman)

ah, the agony my heart returns to when this song comes up. it is one of those songs I sing alone in the car, at the top of my voice or in the smallest whisper. regardless of my volume, the stereo is on higher than usual. this is, to me, a song of pain, a song of healing…

(continued tomorrow)

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Filed under abiding, aches and lessons, being, daughter-gift, John 15, life lesson, spiritual formation

mother’s day

today is Mother’s Day in the United States.

for many years, this was solely a day to concentrate on and celebrate Mom. it’s pretty easy to do that with and for my own! and we’ve got one of those relationships that does not require a date on the calendar or a Hallmark card to say, “I love you!”

but there were years of desert in Mother’s Day. years we lived far from family. years we desperately wanted to be parents, but were not. years of arms, empty and aching to hold a little one, bereft of the experience. for many years, Mother’s Day was simply a painful date on the calendar, to be avoided, to concentrate on the children we are to our mothers and forget the parents we were not. how does one really avoid a day like this, when happy family celebrations abound, where parents and children, of all ages and life stages, gather.

as each day, month, and year passed by, we moved further from the “norm” for those in our age bracket and life stage. we talked about the “what if” of never having a child. would days like this remain painful all our lives? would we have to wait for heaven to hear “mommy!” or “daddy!”? yet, in His own grace, God did gift us with a child. a daughter-gift so filled with joy and personality and heart that I daily wonder at His grace.

today is my fourth year as the mother of an earth-bound child, celebrating Mother’s Day together. along with my own mother, grandmother, and auntie. it was a rich day, full of family, young giggles, and a peace. does my heart still hurt? yes. has this child erased the pain of the years preceding her birth? no. and for that I am thankful.

(part two tomorrow…)

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lesson from a toddler…

as the mother of an almost-three-year-old, I love the dollar bins at Target. today’s treasure was a bug net, something I knew she would love. and she did, swooshing it here and there, catching something invisible. one would think invisible bugs, but no, not my girl. we stopped, somewhere in housewares and she handed me one of the invisibles. I asked what kind of bug she had found and given to my care. “Mommy, it’s not a bug. it’s a kiss. a happy kiss!”

and so we ventured through Target, catching kisses. some were happy kisses. some sad. genuine smiles from passersby and whispers of her sweet nature followed behind. the princess dress/rain boot combination did not hurt her little reputation either. she insisted we run after a few elusive kisses she’d seen, flitting through the outdoor seasonal section.

she has my imaginative streak, this daughter-gift from Heaven. I never know what she will come up with next or where the seeds for her wanderings come from. so we stopped and talked about the sad kisses. where do they come from? what does she do with them? what does she do with the happy kisses? it would never occur to her to keep them for herself.

the happy kisses are taken from one place and released somewhere needing a ray of sunshine or smile or bit of encouragement. but the sad ones? ah, here is the theology lesson from a child!

the sad ones she gives to Jesus. and He makes them all better. then He gives them back to her. they are His kisses to her and some she keeps to give away another day. the others are released like the happy kisses.

to have the faith of a child. it would truly be a gift!

(and I am half convinced she actually saw those kisses flying around her today…)

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Filed under abiding, daughter-gift, simple, spiritual formation