Category Archives: simple

my chief weakness…

I applied for a ministry position this week.

Aside from the usual resume and cover letter, there was also an application to fill out and return. Not a difficult application. But I stumbled through one question, thinking about it for days before putting pen to paper.

What is your chief weakness?

My immediate response startled me and I rebelled against it strongly. And rightly so. It is not a weakness and can actually be a strength for many. It is not a mistake to be corrected or something to apologize for.

I am an introvert.

I like alone. Quiet soothes me. Sometimes I need to talk to process, but mostly I write and think. Retreat is one of the most comfortable disciplines.

Being an introvert in ministry can be difficult. People are not like a business project. They cannot be checked off a to do list. Their lives cannot be contained in regular office hours. There are few neat little boxes to put ministry into and say the “job” is complete. Ministry is relationships, and that means people.Tasks are involved, to be sure. But the heart of ministry is people and their relationship with Christ.

Balance. I struggle to balance the needs of my family, ministry, and self.

Being an introvert is not my weakness. Balance is.

I have been in that place, that lonely place, where the body and heart and soul are worn to nothing. Burnout. It is not alone-ness. It is loneliness on many levels. We often liken burnout to frostbite when describing it. Once the damage has been done, that place is more sensitive. It needs more specialized care. Like a rubber band stretched to the almost-breaking point, there is a fear of being stretched that thin again.There is a remembrance of the pain. A fear of irreparable damage if it happens again.

Balance.

It swings both ways. Run too hard for too long and risk burnout. Or become almost reclusive and miss the ministry, the rich relationships before me, the lessons God wants to teach me and using others to do it.

What helps you maintain balance?

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Filed under being, complex, simple

days on the calendar…

It was one of those days. A date on the calendar. For most, just a date. For me, an anniversary. A painful one.

Dreams shattered.

Life swirling around despite it.

Holding to Jesus. Desperately clinging to Him.

A heart and body wounded, never to be the same.

New questions. A paradigm shift.

A fresh sensitivity inward. Someday to turn outward and hold others in a similar place.

We all have them. Quiet anniversaries. Sacred. Shared with few. Life hurts that remain quietly remembered.

Walking wounded all. Feeling so very alone.

And yet not. Others have tread these familiar paths, so new to us, so unreal.

Death of a loved one. Job loss. Diagnosis. Car accident. Miscarriage. Relationship destroyed. Betrayal. Devastating confession. And so many more.

It is good for me to remember dates like these. They remind me that we all carry heart hurts. And most often we do not know the significant dates on someone else’s calendar. They may need some extra grace, a smile, a kind word. Things that cost me so little time, such small effort. Being  Jesus’ hands and feet. Bringing some Barnabas encouragement.

More than just a date on the calendar…

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Filed under abiding, aches and lessons, being, complex, daughter-gift, life lesson, simple, spiritual formation

lesson from a toddler…

as the mother of an almost-three-year-old, I love the dollar bins at Target. today’s treasure was a bug net, something I knew she would love. and she did, swooshing it here and there, catching something invisible. one would think invisible bugs, but no, not my girl. we stopped, somewhere in housewares and she handed me one of the invisibles. I asked what kind of bug she had found and given to my care. “Mommy, it’s not a bug. it’s a kiss. a happy kiss!”

and so we ventured through Target, catching kisses. some were happy kisses. some sad. genuine smiles from passersby and whispers of her sweet nature followed behind. the princess dress/rain boot combination did not hurt her little reputation either. she insisted we run after a few elusive kisses she’d seen, flitting through the outdoor seasonal section.

she has my imaginative streak, this daughter-gift from Heaven. I never know what she will come up with next or where the seeds for her wanderings come from. so we stopped and talked about the sad kisses. where do they come from? what does she do with them? what does she do with the happy kisses? it would never occur to her to keep them for herself.

the happy kisses are taken from one place and released somewhere needing a ray of sunshine or smile or bit of encouragement. but the sad ones? ah, here is the theology lesson from a child!

the sad ones she gives to Jesus. and He makes them all better. then He gives them back to her. they are His kisses to her and some she keeps to give away another day. the others are released like the happy kisses.

to have the faith of a child. it would truly be a gift!

(and I am half convinced she actually saw those kisses flying around her today…)

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Filed under abiding, daughter-gift, simple, spiritual formation